i wish...

i wish i was not an adult sometimes. that i did not have to worry about getting the bills paid, saving for the future, etc.

i wish i did not have to think about what was for dinner.

i wish i had enough money to not have to think about it. not rich (though that would be nice) but enough to do what i want.

i wish i had a job that i loved. something that i would want to do no matter what the pay was.

i wish i had the energy i did when i was in college.

i wish i could lose 20 pounds without doing anything.

Cassia Treatment

I have heard so many natural hair folks talking about henna and cassia treatments for their hair. So finally, I decided to do a cassia treatment. Cassia makes your hair stronger, healthier, shinier, and it is the best conditioner on earth. (If you want to learn more about henna or cassia go to http://www.hennaforhair.com/, it is not just for black people haha).

So my cassia recipe consisted of 150g of cassia, honey, castor oil, jojoba oil, and enough filtered water to give it a yogurt consistency.



I know the color looks funky, but it is worth it. And it is completely natural, no chemicals. Which is important to me.

Then i smooshed it all in my hair and covered it with a plastic cap. I left it in my hair for about an hour and a half.





I used about half a bottle of cheap conditioner to wash it out. Washed, conditioned, and detangled my hair as usual.



So the results...my hair has never felt so soft. Also, my usual no shine hair actually has some. I love this stuff. I will definitely be using it again. And I will unleash the inner mixtress in me and come up with different recipes. My goal is to increase the shine in my hair. If I can accomplish that I will be ecstatic.

Unfortunately, because of my crazy work schedule last week I did nothing to my hair so I have no pics just yet of the wonderful results. But when I get some I will update.

Weight Loss

So it has been 2 weeks since I have started my weight loss plan.

How have I done??? OK I guess. I definitely have been working out more and I think I am starting to notice a difference. My endurance has definitely improved.

I have been reviewing the goals for Phase I of my plan:
I have not weighed myself since the initial weigh in. That is hard for me, but I am sticking to it.
Increase activity level - doing
Stop eating at least 2 hours before sleep - doing 99% of time
Eat 3 meals and 2 snacks - doing
Drink more water - trying to do, but makes me have to go to the bathroom to frequently
Eliminate alcohol - AHR and AC trip are done. I will start the no alcohol now
Take daily supplements - still have not started doing this, need to

Working out is still very hard for me. Even though I can see some progress it is still a battle. It is so frustrating. I see these people who love going to the gym. Why can't I be one of these people. I tried doing this workout program P90X, but I am not in good enough shape to do it as you are supposed to. I do try to incorporate the program into the workout. I would love to take some dancing lessons. I think this is a workout I would love. Like salsa. But because I work nights that might be a little hard, but I am going to try to see what I can find.

At least 2 more weeks of Phase I so let's see how I do.

Getting in Shape

Being in shape has been a constant battle for me my entire life. I was a big kid and lost weight in my teens, but starting my senior year of college I started putting on weight. So I am trying to set a goal to lose 20 pounds. The problem...I hate working out. I have not found a workout that I will stick with for life or something that I enjoy doing. Every time I go to the gym it is a battle. The entire time leading up to it all I think about is how I do not want to do it. When I get there it is not that bad, but that constant battle is frustrating and I think it is why it is never long lasting.

One of the plans I tried before was the Best Life Diet. It is a plan by the guy who works with Oprah. I tried this a while ago but like everything else I eventually quit. So I am going to try again. It isn't really a diet, but a life change. You know, eating better and working out more. My eating habits are pretty good, but it is the working out where I really need help. Also I probably do not eat enough calories in a day. So while I am eating healthy foods, I am not eating enough. I have to work on that too.

So here are the Phase I objectives:
Duration: a minimum of 4 weeks
You weigh in once at the beginning and not again for 4 weeks (that is gonna be hard for me)

Increase activity level
Stop eating at least 2 hours before sleep
Eat 3 meals and 2 snacks (you have to eat breakfast, which I do everyday)
Drink more water
Eliminate alcohol (I will start this part in 2 weeks after my AHR and my trip to AC)
Take daily supplements (I have never been good at this, but I will try)
(I love in this phase that you do not have to change what you eat just yet, but I am going to try to eat as healthy as possible)

So this is my plan for the next 4 weeks. I am going to start including more strength training in my workouts and I can do that in the house. And I will go to the gym more. I think I am going to try to find we some classes to take to (break up the monotony). I also have my 2 fitness buddies that will keep me on track.

I am going to to this! I will have to keep repeating it to myself. Wish me luck.

Why don't black people know how to have fun?

Ok...I guess I should say some, not all.

So last night, the hubs and I (that was for Heather in case she reads this) went to our favorite local restaurant, Stonefish Grill, for what they call Karaoke night. So we are there, eating some food, and having some drinks waiting for some fun and entertainment. So once it gets started who gets up to perform....only people trying to get their record deal. That's right. I thought karaoke was supposed to be people who can't really sing gettin up there and doin the damn thang on their favorite song. (That was my plan anyway.) I was gonna get up there and sing me some MJ "Man in the Mirror" and rock it out. But I was not going to be the only person making a fool of myself. If I was going up there it was going to be expected that I could sing, which to make clear I definitely cannot.

So what did the night end up being? The same 4 or 5 people singing ballads hoping that there was some music exec in the audience. Really? Really? I was so pissed, but Eddie said something that really stuck with me. He said that black people only like to have fun at the expense of others not themselves. I mean I guess he is the same way. He would never get up there and do karaoke, but he would definitely sit back and laugh at someone else.

So I ask, why don't black people know how to have fun? All my life I was accused of being white and only hanging out with white people and blah blah blah, ignorance ignorance ignorance. But that is not it at all. And all of my friends are not white. I just like to have fun. I like to live life to the fullest and laugh, whether it be at myself or others. So I just hang out with people that have the same outlook as I do. So if I would have gone out last night and my friends would have been in the crowd, we would have gotten up there and made a fool of ourselves and had the best time ever. But I was not going to be the only one up there not looking for a record deal. So that will probably be the last time I go to the Stonefish Grill talent show with these bougie black people that don't know how to have fun.

Why ask why???

Is there a benefit of asking questions when you will never get an answer? I have been asking myself why did this happen to us. We haven't even been married for 2 months. Why such a big trial in our marriage so early? Then I ask myself, why was he so lucky? I mean trust me I am so grateful. I thank God everyday that he was lucky, that angels were with him, but why was he lucky or blessed when others aren't? He is the first person on this department to be shot and live. When I type that it is really like...WOW! No one has survived before on this department. Seeing the photos of his truck I think of how the end result could have been so different. I try not to think about that, but it is hard. Especially when you have to hear the story over and over and when I change his bandages and see that an inch this way or that way and who knows. Why can't I just be ecstatic that he will make a full recovery and be fine? Why do I have to ask why???

Updates

So yesterday we got to go see the hubs vehicle. I thought it was a miracle that he was not more seriously hurt before, but after seeing his car I know that angels were truly watching over him. It was very disturbing to see. I am so glad he is going to be ok and a full recovery is expected. Tomorrow we go for his first follow up appointment to see how everything is going.

Eddie says that after going through this experience he knows that we can get through anything. And I know he is right. You know when you are getting married and saying your wedding vows sometimes it feels like it is just words. You may not have really thought about what it really means. Or you may think we have years before we will be faced with x/y/z. But here we are, married a little over 1 month and we have already been through "in sickness and in health". Definitely not how or when I thought it would be, but here we are. And you know what, I know I can deal with it. Where I thought I was weak or would become a basketcase, I realize that I am strong. I am just glad to have my baby home and ok. Now let's see how I feel when I have to go back to work. I will feel like a mom having to go back after having a baby...ok, maybe not that bad, but my version of it.